Summer Shoe Hazards

I love peep-toe pumps. I love my toes and I love cheese, but I do not love when my lunch spills on my peep-toe pumps and I get parmesan cheese between my toes.

Vivienne Westwood Inspired Party

The Vivienne Westwood show at the De Young Museum gave me a great party idea. It's a cocktail party (as they all should be) but you supply bins of scrap materials (ex. taffeta or chiffon or cotton remnants), plastic bags, paper, etc., and bins of tape and staplers and have your guests make their own dresses out of the stuff, while they drink booze and eat appetizers. Then everyone can have their picture taken as a souvenir to take home. One could even venture out in the creations.

In my heart I imagine a group of drunken scrap-partydress clad ladies terrorizing our lovely town.

Mastering the Clear Bag

My friends say to me "Babe, I love those clear bags but I can't carry one because everyone will see the embarrassing stuff I carry".

To which I reply "RIGHT ON!"

Currently I'm carrying my clear bag filled with empty pill capsules that I bought online. There is nothing as glamorous as trying to dig your lipstick out of a pile of pills. Nothing. Just think of it, when you're looking for your lipstick you can have bystanders hold fists full of your pills while you search. What better way to make friends?

When I get tired of the pills I'm going to fill it with tampons.

Then maybe empty prescripton bottles or orange ear plugs? Condoms? M&Ms? The possibilities are endless.

The Dress I'll Wear in Heaven

Behold.
sigh...
Dior, of course, Fall 2008 RTW

The Cross Dresser Test

I'm walking down the street the other day wearing my fave boots, turquoise cowboys, and I pass a guy standing at a trash can. He doesn't really look like a bum but he does look like John Waters, so I quicken my step.

As I pass he chirps "I'm married!" so I walk faster then he shouts "But I'm also a cross dresser and those are the best boots I've ever seen in my life!" I stopped in my tracks, turned around and blew him a kiss.

You know you look hot when the cross dressers appreciate your outfit. They usually had to dream about it for a long time before they could bust out and go with it. God love 'em.

New Do in View

I've always had curly hair and I've spent my life battling it. Then I saw Goldfrapp with this hairdo and I had a revelation. The time and money I waste trying to fight my natural hair is just stupid, it's time to embrace it and go for the gusto.

I'm becoming more and more anti people trying to go against their natural looks, so hell if I'm going to do it myself. It's a sad waste of nature's extravagance.

Take any man-made structure and compare it to the beauty and innovation of nature's creations. Man-made stuff fails miserably, even the most innovative and creative man-made structures are just attempts at a closer imitation of nature.

So if we wrestle our bodies into some manmade idea of what we should look like, we castrate our innate beauty. And yet that's exactly what we do, we spend our time and money trying to battle the attributes we're given by nature itself, like my friend who hides her amazing booty, or my sister blowdries the curl out of her hair every day.

I know it benefits lots of people for us to spend time and money trying to change our physical appearance and that we're under a constant marketing onslaught because of this.

But we're much stronger than that, if only because we have nature and truth on our side.

The Ultimate BSG Designer

I, we, worship Hussein Chalayan. His fashion creations are beyond compare, not only are they beautiful, they transform in real-time, as you can see in this video.

What could be more Batshit Glam than to go about your day in a perpetually transforming dress?

Batshit Glam Shoes

Wow. These are the perfect shoes for the sub-class of Batshit Glamour called Jackie Ho - a mix of Jackie O style outfits and hooker style shoes.

Batshit Glam Shades

Behold my new Batshit Glam style accessory. The Balenciaga Round-Lens Degrade Sunglasses.

Perfect shades for the glamour that makes you go "huh?"

Batshit Glamorous Style

Recently I haven't been satisfied with an outfit unless I add a new element to it. I like to call it the "unexpected element".

Today my outfit was perfect.

A navy cashmere sweater - giving me classic elegance
A bright purple pencil skirt - for the always important glamour
and
Intentionally crooked lipstick - to give my look that indispensable feeling of batshit crazy.

I'm calling my new style "Batshit Glamorous". And I expect it to spread.

Batshit Glam can be anything from going out perfectly dressed but with your zipper undone to flesh colored socks with tennis shoes. Just so long as it makes spectators ponder your sanity.

It's just like how I drive. If I'm in a sticky situation, like trying to merge when no one will let me, I start swerving a lot so that people give me more room, the kind of room you'd want to give to someone who's nuts.

When one of my idols, Darla, a producer on Monsters Inc., went to the movie premier, she wore a beautiful gown with a sock stuck to her back, as a tribute to the movie. She thought it was amazing but the rest of the people on the red carpet were mortified for her. Now that's Batshit Glam!

Really it's the next step in beauty, we've all mastered the craft so now it's time to take it up a notch.

Currently I'm investing in alarming vingage hats, mounted animal head jewelry and a Dali-esque mustache.