Batshit Glam Grocery List

Today my shopping list consists of arch supports and a daily pill organizer.
Granted the supports are for some Manolo's and the pills are vitamins but still. Kind of sad

Batshit Glam Hat

Check out this rad hat from Mark Jacobs Sp '08 collection. It is so dang cool! I'm going to make myself something like this. I'll post a picture when I'm done.

BSG Lifestlye

All those days I spent awake, slaving away in an office, produced hardly more than some well filed papers. But these days, when I wake up around 11:30, never leave the house, and nap from about 3 until my husband gets home to take me out to dinner, have produced invaluable creations and discoveries that are a benefit to all of humanity.

For instance, once when I was really hungry and all I had in the house was potatoes, but I was too lazy to go to the store and too hungry to wait the time it takes to boil a potato, I invented the recipe for Quick Potatoes, and here I give it to you for free:

1. Put the potatoes in water.
2. Boil them until you can't stand it anymore.
3. Take them out of the water and cut off any part of the potato that has cooked.
4. Eat 'em up.

Also, my laziness has directly contributed to exciting innovations in the area of new cocktail recipes. Because I don't really leave the house, I'm usually short on mixers. Though I always somehow seem to have vodka around. So recently when guests stopped by and all I had on hand, besides vodka, was Lipton's canned iced tea, I broke through the conventions of cocktails that have come before and invented a new drink called the "Trailer Trash Toddy". That the drink sucked only added to the authenticity of my invention because one of the guests confirmed that living in a trailer also sucked. And, yet another time, I discovered that if you don't have Lipton's canned iced tea on hand, Mountain Dew and vodka sucks too.

But I would have to say that my regularly bad-mouthed lifestyle has contributed most to humanity in the area of safety. Because of my courage to follow a less common path, we all now know that if you're out of shaving cream, and are too lazy to go to the store, you should NOT try to shave your legs with sex lube. It sounds like a perfectly good idea, but it isn't. The razor burn is severe and it turns into a thick scab that prevents you from wearing skirts or shorts for weeks.

So next time you catch yourself looking down on the lazy, stop and be thankful that some of us are brave enough to move beyond the lemming's path of false productivity.

BS Glam Dress

I got this little number at Elizbabeth Charles on Fillmore St. Elizabeth herself picked it out for me. She is sooooo good! The dress is rather mini so I wear shorts under it, they're dolphin shorts with VEGAS written across the butt in rhinestones. hot

Of course I got lipstick all over it the first day. I just can't handle the responsibility of light colored clothing.

Once I was looking at a straw bag at Kate Spade but when I found out it was untreated (unprotected from stains), I told the sales girl I'd ruin it with coffee spills within minutes of owning it. She suggested I not drink coffee when I carried the purse. I suggested she get real.

Batshit Glamorous Style

Recently I haven't been satisfied with an outfit unless I add a new element to it. I like to call it the "unexpected element".

Today my outfit was perfect.

A navy cashmere sweater - giving me classic elegance
A bright purple pencil skirt - for the always important glamour
and
Intentionally crooked lipstick - to give my look that indispensable feeling of batshit crazy.

I'm calling my new style "Batshit Glamorous". And I expect it to spread.

Batshit Glam can be anything from going out perfectly dressed but with your zipper undone to flesh colored socks with tennis shoes. Just so long as it makes spectators ponder your sanity.

It's just like how I drive. If I'm in a sticky situation, like trying to merge when no one will let me, I start swerving a lot so that people give me more room, the kind of room you'd want to give to someone who's nuts.

When one of my idols, Darla, a producer on Monsters Inc., went to the movie premier, she wore a beautiful gown with a sock stuck to her back, as a tribute to the movie. She thought it was amazing but the rest of the people on the red carpet were mortified for her. Now that's Batshit Glam!

Really it's the next step in beauty, we've all mastered the craft so now it's time to take it up a notch.

Currently I'm investing in alarming vingage hats, mounted animal head jewelry and a Dali-esque mustache.